Anger Management: My Thoughts
Basic question is: Why does a human being get angry?
Human being is an intelligent animal. He can see the difference between what is the current situation and what it should be... in other words, expected and actual situation. When there is a difference between his expectations (about almost anything), and the reality, he gets upset. That gives way to anger.
Each and every human being gets angry at something or the other. The trigger level for the anger differs from person to person. Anger, if not dealt with, remains in our minds. Slowly, it becomes deep-rooted, and such an anger can turn into grudge and hatred.
Grudge and hatred are extremely negative emotions, and can harm the person emotionally and physically. They can harm the relationships as well.
There are certain root causes of anger.
1. Many times, something negative happens in the present moment, and we relate it to something similar that had happened in past. That is, a negative situation triggers our memory of a similar incident in the past. That makes us even more angry.
2. Un-reconciled situations: We keep going back to the unhappy situations in the past, that had were not reconciled. For example, we were (knowingly or un-knowingly) treated in an unfair or unjust way by someone, in the past. And we didn't ever confront that person about it. This leaves an impression of anger on our mind, and keeps coming back to us.
3. Helplessness: In many situations, we feel we were helpless, and were not able to do anything. That feeling also leaves an angry impression.
4. Not-my-decision: Sometimes, our lives get affected because of someone else's decisions, which we think, were bizarre and non-sense.
List can go on.
Resolution:
It's best to resolve as many of the above situations as possible, so that they don't hurt you in the long run. Let's analyze the above causes.
1. Relating to past. Remember that the past is gone now, and you can't possibly do anything about whatever has happened in past. Sooner we realize this, better for us.
2. The feeling of being ill-treated is hard to overcome with. Maybe the person who ill-treated you, didn't mean to do so. Give him the benefit of doubt. Also, if possible, try to avoid him altogether.
Another way to deal with it is: write down on a piece of paper, about what happened. Write as much details as possible. Read it, and then shred the paper. That's one way of getting it out of your system.
3. Remember that, not everything is under your control. There are things that you can control, and then there are things that you can't. If there is something that was beyond your control at that time,.. well... what can you do about it?
4. Remember: a decision taken by someone, maybe non-sense to you, was sensible to that person in that situation. It is unfortunate that it affected your life. But then, there is no point blaming someone for it. Just deal with it.
In short, for almost every situation that makes you angry, there is a possible resolution. Look for it, resolve it and move on.... just so that it doesn't create a permanent negative impression on your mind.
Happy New Year.
Basic question is: Why does a human being get angry?
Human being is an intelligent animal. He can see the difference between what is the current situation and what it should be... in other words, expected and actual situation. When there is a difference between his expectations (about almost anything), and the reality, he gets upset. That gives way to anger.
Each and every human being gets angry at something or the other. The trigger level for the anger differs from person to person. Anger, if not dealt with, remains in our minds. Slowly, it becomes deep-rooted, and such an anger can turn into grudge and hatred.
Grudge and hatred are extremely negative emotions, and can harm the person emotionally and physically. They can harm the relationships as well.
There are certain root causes of anger.
1. Many times, something negative happens in the present moment, and we relate it to something similar that had happened in past. That is, a negative situation triggers our memory of a similar incident in the past. That makes us even more angry.
2. Un-reconciled situations: We keep going back to the unhappy situations in the past, that had were not reconciled. For example, we were (knowingly or un-knowingly) treated in an unfair or unjust way by someone, in the past. And we didn't ever confront that person about it. This leaves an impression of anger on our mind, and keeps coming back to us.
3. Helplessness: In many situations, we feel we were helpless, and were not able to do anything. That feeling also leaves an angry impression.
4. Not-my-decision: Sometimes, our lives get affected because of someone else's decisions, which we think, were bizarre and non-sense.
List can go on.
Resolution:
It's best to resolve as many of the above situations as possible, so that they don't hurt you in the long run. Let's analyze the above causes.
1. Relating to past. Remember that the past is gone now, and you can't possibly do anything about whatever has happened in past. Sooner we realize this, better for us.
2. The feeling of being ill-treated is hard to overcome with. Maybe the person who ill-treated you, didn't mean to do so. Give him the benefit of doubt. Also, if possible, try to avoid him altogether.
Another way to deal with it is: write down on a piece of paper, about what happened. Write as much details as possible. Read it, and then shred the paper. That's one way of getting it out of your system.
3. Remember that, not everything is under your control. There are things that you can control, and then there are things that you can't. If there is something that was beyond your control at that time,.. well... what can you do about it?
4. Remember: a decision taken by someone, maybe non-sense to you, was sensible to that person in that situation. It is unfortunate that it affected your life. But then, there is no point blaming someone for it. Just deal with it.
In short, for almost every situation that makes you angry, there is a possible resolution. Look for it, resolve it and move on.... just so that it doesn't create a permanent negative impression on your mind.
Happy New Year.
